When friends choose ideology...

I write crime fiction but for many years I wrote children's and YA books, and for ten of those years I belonged to a very close-knit online writers' group of about fifteen kids authors.

One of the authors had a trans kid - an autistic girl with mental health problems who identified as a boy. We were all very supportive of the mother's efforts to secure gender-affirming care. At this point, I considered myself - vaguely - to be a trans ally, of the "be kind" sort.

The mum of the trans kid had a fight with her kid's school, who said the girl (identifying as a boy) couldn't use the boys' changing rooms. The mum was terribly upset. I posted a supportive message, but pointed out the school probably didn't want to set a controversial precedent, because then they might felt pressured to let penis-people change with the girls. That would be problematic for obvious reasons, I cluelessly pointed out.

I was subject to furious, expletive-laden abuse from the mother of the trans kid and her primary supporter, a LGBTQ writer and activist. I was mortified and immediately wrote them personal messages of profound apology. No matter - I was told by the mods I was suspended from the group. I was told to go away and educate myself, then come back in a few months and ask for forgiveness and readmittance.

This was during lockdown. I was in a bad way generally; I relied on my writers' group for emotional as well as professional support. I considered them all friends.  So, a couple of months later, I asked to re-join the group. I was asked to make a public apology and recant my sins. To my shame, I did so. Of course it made no difference - a vote was held and I was told I was permanently banned from the group because I made people in it "feel unsafe". One of the moderators compared the discomfort she felt with my behavior with the discomfort she, as a Jewish person, "felt last year when the Labour antisemitism row was at its height."

A handful of people got in touch with me after the vote to say how sorry they were and that they didn't feel able to speak out in my defence as they didn't want to be chucked out either. Most have hardened their position, and several members of the group continue to be vocal TRAs within publishing. I have moved on, but the whole business remains one of the most distressing episodes of my life.

Former Children’s Author who wishes to remain anonymous